Greater Understandings Part 3 – Getting It

 

August 7, 2022

The Holy Grail, what an incredible journey. It is truly a remarkable thing that we have discovered, and it is a thing that we should be furious about. The Christian church has tried to present itself as something that has existed from the beginning of time, this we know to be a complete and utter falsehood. As we have delved deeper into our subject, the truths have revealed themselves with an increasing ease, as I said they would. In no part of our journey to date have we needed to take an unhealthy, or, unneeded leap of faith. The historical record has revealed the truth of the Sumerian civilization, church inspired archaeological efforts have revealed some supporting truths of what the Bible says took place. Which has done nothing to prove that god exists, or not. However, secular follow up investigations have shown that, yes the event took place, but there's no evidence of the event being miraculous, or even having taken place where the church says it did. This is especially true when it comes to the present location of the State of Israel, it could be that the historical biblical Israel was located several hundreds of miles south of its present location, there are strong indications that it really should be located in the desserts of western Arabia. For more on this see our essays, “We Have It All Wrong” and, “They Found The Bible Was Wrong” Here

The only leap of faith that we have taken is the existence of the planet Nibiru, but even here there is proof of it being out there somewhere, see our essay “Where Are You?”, which is an analyses of statistical data of Nibiru's orbital influences. Though it does not offer proof positive of Nibiru's existence, it does strongly suggest that there is an unknown planet out there, and that it will be discovered within the coming decade or so.

Even though I have little if anything nice to say about my mother, I have to admit that she was a smart girl. When I was young I was interested in why the people of the Bible payed so much attention to mysticism and astrology, so because mom was a biblical “expert”, I asked her. She had no understanding of the practice of Kabbalah because we were not Jewish, but she said that astrology was the division of the night sky into the houses of the zodiac, and that had been been brought about because “since the ancients had no TV, they watched the night sky because after it got dark, that was all there was to do”. Hmm, I guess that was an okay explanation for 8 year old me, but the question never really went away and needed a far better answer.

As of now, I have no great understanding of Kabbalah, nor really of astrology, and those of you who do, my compliments, you have done some good work.

As for now I am limited to knowing that it was Ninurta who divided the sky into twelve symbols, and he is from Nibiru because he is El Shaddai's first born son, one of the true sons of god. As I understand it now, Kabbalah is one way of understanding the Akashic record, my research goes on. Though we do not call it Nibiru, its influence on our past is undeniable, it has influenced everything from the formation of our solar system, why some of our planets look and act as they do, why the Earth is a great big cracked egg, why there is a missing link in our evolution, and where our spiritual ideas and education came from.

It is only through understanding our history, our true history that we can understand our now. And our now is in trouble up to its nipples. Here I could go on about global warming and climate change, domestic violence, war, water, poverty, and a million and two other societal problems. Many of these problems could have been prevented had the church not thrown us into darkness. Sure that may sound like too big of a stretch, I assure you its not. When the Annage arrived here 432,000 years ago and proceeded to build pyramids, and dozens of facilities around the world, they built on or near the 30° North latitude so they could harness the Earth's own Teleric energy from our Ley Lines, an endlessly renewable energy source. 

Ley lines are hypothetical, invisible lines believed to connect significant landmarks and ancient sites. Often associated with earth energies or spiritual significance, these lines are part of a broader belief system suggesting that ancient civilizations intentionally built structures along these alignments. Origin The concept was popularized in the early 20th century by British antiquarian Alfred Watkins. In his 1921 book The Old Straight Track, Watkins proposed that ancient sites across Britain—such as standing stones, burial mounds, and churches—were deliberately aligned as part of a network of straight paths or "leys." Beliefs and Interpretations Proponents of ley lines often believe these lines carry mystical or energetic significance. They suggest that sacred sites—such as Stonehenge, the Pyramids of Giza, Machu Picchu, and Uluru (Ayers Rock)—are intentionally positioned along these invisible energy lines, which may have guided ancient builders or facilitated spiritual practices.

Scientific Skepticism Mainstream archaeologists and scientists largely reject the ley line hypothesis. One primary reason is the high density of historical sites in many regions, making random alignments statistically probable. With enough landmarks, some will appear to fall in straight lines purely by chance. Mathematical Perspective and Ramsey’s Theorem Mathematically, the human tendency to perceive patterns in random distributions is well explained by Ramsey Theory, a branch of combinatorics that deals with inevitable structures arising in large, complex systems. Ramsey’s Theorem states, in essence, that complete disorder is impossible in sufficiently large systems — some form of order or structure must emerge. For example, in any group of six people, you will always find either three who all know each other or three who are mutual strangers. This principle can be extended to geometric configurations, suggesting that even in a randomly distributed set of points (such as ancient sites on a map), certain alignments, patterns, or symmetries are mathematically inevitable.Application to Ley Lines: When applied to ley lines, Ramsey Theory suggests that apparent straight-line alignments between ancient sites could simply be statistical artifacts rather than evidence of deliberate design. Given a large enough number of sites across a landscape, some of them will line up — not because of ancient intent, but because mathematics predicts that patterns will emerge even in random arrangements. This insight undermines claims that ley lines are evidence of ancient planning or mystical energy networks. Instead, the appearance of alignment can be attributed to cognitive biases (like apophenia) and the mathematical certainty that patterns will form in any sufficiently complex or dense dataset. Alternative Explanations Some researchers propose that the alignments noted by Watkins may have been ancient trade routes, trackways, or culturally symbolic pathways (sometimes called "fairy paths" in folklore). These interpretations place ley lines in the realm of historical geography and mythology rather than mysticism.

Too, what the Annage had was the technological advancement to be able to use gold, in its mono-atomic state to power devices similar to the Ark of the Covenant to provide huge amounts of portable energy. Their technology just as their spiritualism is/was based on high vibrational frequency/energy.

Every one of the Bible's main characters from Adam, who was created to mine the gold; to Abraham who used it to increase his mental abilities in his war with Marduk/Ra. From Moses who was an accomplished Gold Smith, to Jesus himself who associated with Levite priests; all were heavily involved with the unique world changing power of gold. Even a thousand years after Christ, we had the Knight Templar whose every Master was a descendent of Christ, return to Israel and learned the power of mono-atomic gold and used it to try to change the world. So, do you begin to see the truth of it? The Bible from the start has been warped and made into a low energy manifest where it does nothing but suck energy from us.

I find it laughable when a clergyman says I'll pray for your soul, how can he when he knows nothing about the nature of my true soul, my sacred self? In his eyes my soul as well as everyone elses was born in sin, because we were born from a woman, so from the moment we were born, our sacred selves are being guided backwards into fear and trepidation. By that fact alone, we must ask, just how is the church being responsible stewards of our souls? They themselves prove how lost they are by insisting that a church created concept threatens us all, yeah the Devil. They have taken their creation and plugged it into what is truly a remarkable story, and ruined it. The Bible by itself had the potential to be a remarkable scientific, genealogical record that told incredible stories about two races of people. Sure our teachers had been harsh, but the lessons learned were worth it, math, science, reading and writing, and Earth sciences, geography, we knew what our world looked like,

Piri Reis Graphic by Grout

It is in learning about the nature and origin of the Devil that has brought something into its proper context. As I have mentioned in our series on The Mansion – my mother, she suicided, I was not greatly bothered that she did, she had been unable to find a way to live with the choices she had made, and had taken the easy way out. My interest had been far more abstract, I had wondered what was going to happen to her spiritually. According to church doctrine, suicide is an attack on God, and because of that, the individual can not be admitted into heaven. And also according to the church, an individual can only go to either heaven or hell, seeing my mother's behaviours and that she had attacked God, I was pretty certain St Pete had given her a big thumbs down, and she had gone to hell. As much as I had come to truly hate her, I did not want that for her. I would have settled for her getting a daily dose of what she gave me, only turned up to eleven.

So I had settled on the idea that mom had gone to hell, and that she would spend eternity splashing around naked, stuffed full of inhuman sized cocks, in some kind of lake of fire in the midst of some very strange swingers hell orgy. Its from nonsense like Dante's Inferno that such imagery comes. That she had gone to hell seemed to be proven by,

1. The church said she would,

2. When she had come to me on the night of her machine death, the experience had taken place in darkness and,

3. Whatever type of energy that had come to me then had been deathly cold.

 Now here seems a contradiction though, horror movies that feature evil spirits always have cold spots where the spirit was or had been, whereas hell is always seen to be on fire. In our series on the Devil, we showed that all of the devil's traits were human, these extremes of hot and cold too are human. For most people, myself included, the idea of being burned alive terrifies them and for good reason, the same can be said for being cold, a damp dank cold that settles in your bones, and reaches with its icy fingers into your soul is a terrible experience. So as we have learned, if the Devil and hell are created fabrications of the church, where does that leave the individual who suicides?

The church basically says that, if you've taken your own life, you've committed treason against God. Therefore your soul is forfeit. The same as a murderer's, so yes you're going to hell.

Well the good news there is, certainly not in the church's description of hell. Now as we have talked about in previous essays, each of our incarnations in whatever realm is about either teaching or learning lessons necessary to our sacred selves. Those experiences in this realm tend to be rather harsh, and I refer to this realm as being hell on Earth. If we are to take the Dalai Lama and Krsna at their word, it is possible that we will reincarnate many many times over the course of 10,000 trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion years. (Dr. Brian Cox thinks this is when all nuclear activity will cease in the universe) Whether he is right or wrong about that is immaterial because any way you look at it, its a very long time and counts as immortality in every meaningful way because that number is mindbogglingly huge. Step-by-step breakdown

Each "trillion" = 10¹²
So we're saying:

10,000 × (10¹²)⁸
= 10,000 × 10⁹⁶
= 1 × 10⁴ × 10⁹⁶
= 1 × 10¹⁰⁰

Final Answer:

10,000 trillion⁸ years = 10¹⁰⁰ years

This is also known as a googol.

Optional Notes:

• A googol is 1 followed by 100 zeros.

• It’s vastly greater than the estimated age of the universe (~13.8 billion years = 1.38 × 10¹⁰ years).

Chart: Comparing Immense Numbers of Years

Name / Description	Scientific Notation	Full Digits (Approx)	Relative Scale
Age of the Universe	1.38 × 10¹⁰	13,800,000,000 years	Baseline
Estimated time for proton decay (theory)	~10³⁴	100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years	~10²⁴ times longer
Estimated time for black holes to evaporate	~10¹⁰⁰	Same as 10,000 trillion⁸	Same magnitude
Your Number: 10,000 trillion⁸ years	10¹⁰⁰	1 followed by 100 zeros	~10⁹⁰× age of universe
Googol (your number)	10¹⁰⁰	1 followed by 100 zeros	Named large number
Googolplex	10^(10¹⁰⁰)	1 followed by a googol of zeros	Incomprehensibly larger

Key Notes:

• Your number is called a googol (10¹⁰⁰), a famous number coined by a 9-year-old in the 1920s.

• A googolplex (10^(10¹⁰⁰)) is so large that writing it out in full would take more space than the observable universe.

• Your number is trillions of times longer than any known physical timescale in astrophysics.

Chart: Time Comparison — Cosmology, Myth, and Mega-Numbers

Name / Concept	Scientific Notation	Approximate Years	Relative to Age of Universe
Age of the Universe	1.38 × 10¹⁰	13.8 billion years	1×
Kali Yuga (current age)	4.32 × 10⁵	432,000 years	0.00003×
Dvapara Yuga	8.64 × 10⁵	864,000 years	0.00006×
Treta Yuga	1.296 × 10⁶	1,296,000 years	0.00009×
Satya (Krita) Yuga	1.728 × 10⁶	1,728,000 years	0.00013×
Total Mahayuga (all 4 yugas)	4.32 × 10⁶	4,320,000 years	0.0003×
1 Day of Brahma (1,000 Mahayugas)	4.32 × 10⁹	4.32 billion years	~⅓ the age of universe
1 Night of Brahma	4.32 × 10⁹	4.32 billion years	-
1 Full Day-Night of Brahma	8.64 × 10⁹	8.64 billion years	-
1 Year of Brahma (360 Brahma days)	3.11 × 10¹²	3.11 trillion years	225× universe age
1 Lifetime of Brahma (100 Brahma years)	3.11 × 10¹⁴	311 trillion years	~22,500× age of universe
Time for Black Hole Evaporation	~10¹⁰⁰	Similar to your number	Extreme
Your Number (Googol Years)	10¹⁰⁰	1 followed by 100 zeros	~10⁹⁰× age of universe
Googolplex	10^(10¹⁰⁰)	1 followed by a googol of zeros	Immeasurably large

Interpretation of the Yugas (Hindu Time Cosmology):

• A Mahayuga (4.32 million years) = 1 full cycle of 4 ages.

• 1 Kalpa (Day of Brahma) = 1,000 Mahayugas = 4.32 billion years.

• Brahma lives for 100 Brahma years = 311 trillion years.

Final Thoughts:

Your number (10¹⁰⁰ years) vastly exceeds even the total duration of the entire cosmic cycle of Brahma, making it far beyond the scope of any ancient or modern time frame.

So again, where does that leave the suicideee? Well with the time available to him or her, it kind of leaves them where they started. They entered this realm with an agenda, and they worked that plan to the point of their unnatural death, because of the nature of string theory and the multiverse its possible that the point of death was the completion of their efforts here, or on the other hand, perhaps not. It is likely that they will reincarnate as an individual who will continue their original agenda minus the experiences had to that point of death. It too is possible that they will have to relive the experiences that killed them so that whatever the goal was, is achieved. It is also likely that the individual will see, or suffer, a longer period of incarceration either here in this realm, or wherever they end up next, and that place will be harder than here. Why?

Our overall goal is ascension, the attainment of perfection of self, this is what Christ taught and it was bastardized to him being made perfect. And there are echoes of it still as the church tells us to try to be like him. The Dalai Lama has reincarnated13 times since 1391, his stated goal for returning to this realm, is that he has character flaws that can only be fixed by his experiences here. That said, a suicide is an unnatural state of affairs in every measure-able way, and it exposes a pretty large character flaw. Now before you start hating me for saying that, understand that I do not ever want to see any family ripped apart by a suicide, and of course most people are good decent people who only want to give and receive love as they go about their lives. But here's the thing with suicide, they cut themselves off from it, not necessarily their family's love, but from their own. It is this that enables them to believe that they are worthless and that they would be better off dead.

Folks who have suffered a suicidal ideated person, have probably run the gambit of drugs and addiction, rehab, endless sessions of therapy, to scary close calls, to Oh My God, they actually did it! All of it in a seemingly vain attempt to get to the root cause of the problem, this is why things for the suicideee will be harder in his/her next incarnations, they will learn how to get past the short circuit that killed them. Understand this clearly, in this realm you may have known the individual for the first time, and you may feel responsible as that person's family member, but it is quite possible that for the suicideee, he or she may have died many times before meeting us as they struggle to find, and fix, whatever that character flaw might be.

Those of you out there who are survivors of a family member's suicide, cut yourselves some slack, for whyever the person did it is likely not your fault, and has little or nothing to do with you. Take care of your sacred self now, and drop the church and its negative energy. Seek answers and healing in the Akashic records.

Sexy Devil

 

July 27, 2022

As we have learned, the Bible is about an alien race called the Annunaki, they came to Earth to mine our PGMs to save their planet. The effort they made was extensive in that at the height of operations, there were about 600 of them on Earth. Between the large scale construction efforts, and the pressing need for Gold, their crew of who they called heroes, became exhausted. This exhaustion was shared by the leadership on both Nibiru, and Earth, and with some desperation we were created as a result. We were created to be slave labour for them. To do the millions of tasks that are part of everyday life, plus we were needed to alleviate their loneliness and sexual needs.

When we were first created, we were as mules are, unable to procreate. This was a problem, and Enki and Ninkharsag soon rectified it because they desperately needed us as part of their labour force. The ability to procreate is doubtlessly the number one issue throughout our combined history. We see it in them as they vied for the throne; we see it when Enlil/El Shaddai raped a young nurse in the early days of Mission Earth. We see it as both Enlil and Enki pursued their half-sister Ninkharsag. We see more of it as Enki pursued his daughters in an incestuous frenzy. In an interesting display of a woman's right to self-determination regarding consensual sex, Lilith, Adam's first wife, refused to lay with him.

Here too we also see an instance of racism, she was pure Annunaki, and Adam of course, was human. After Enlil/El Shaddai raped the nurse who became his wife, and was named Ninlil, he was banished temporarily from their operations until he agreed to marry her. Their children were Nergal, Nanna, Ninurta, Pablisag, and Ninazu. So now we know who the brides of both God and Jesus were, and they were not snow white virginal nuns in black habits. Though Italian porn seems to have fun poking fun at the Catholic Church and priests and nuns having sex.

In an odd twist, we find that sex is an absolutely necessary thing because they needed us to procreate, yet the Bible tells us that God got mad at us because we had too much sex. and then drowned us. Yet God knew how vital we were to his efforts to save his home world. So what is really happening there? It is true that Enlil was never 100% behind the effort to create us, or maintain us, but nonetheless was anxious to have us labour for them. The fact of the matter was he thought we were vermin, and only changed his opinion after the flood. The fact that we had sex had nothing to do with his dislike of us that had more to do with them as a whole playing GOD, and creating a hybrid species and what their responsibilities were and would be. So really, a matter of ethics, which makes sense coming from him because, he was noted for being somewhat tightly wound. This we see from the very start as Enki begins to educate Adam and eve.

What becomes frighteningly obvious is that women from after the days of Eve become vilified by the church. Before the creation of the Pauline church, women were seen as equals, Jesus insisted that his wife, the Magdalenewas more than equal to any of his apostles. Many carried great responsibilities such as surveying the grounds for the construction of the pyramids at Giza, which took place hundreds of thousands of years before Christ got here. What becomes obvious is that the church is/was infected by the evil it itself created. Many think that Paul is the source of the problem for women. Sure his attitude towards them was/is bad, and in no way helps them, but it was the creation of the Devil that really screwed things up for women. And in order to do a complete job of it, they started at the beginning with poor Eve.

Overall, women can thank Tertullian, who said that, when the fallen angels (Watchers/Giants) came to earth and mated with women, they imbued women with carnal lust and desire. He went on to say, “Do you know that you are each an Eve? The sentence of God on this sex of yours lives in this age; the guilt must of necessity live in you too. You are the Devil's gateway; you are the unsealer of that forbidden tree; you are the first deserter of the divine law; you are she who persuaded him whom the Devil was not valiant enough to attack. You destroyed so easily God's image, man. On account of your desertion, even the Son of God had to die”. So girls, because of that honey pot between your legs, you killed God! For Shame! Cyprian of Carthage followed that statement by saying that, women dress to corrupt men and seduce them against the express wish of God. 

Magdalene come ashore in Gaul. This remarkable piece by the late artist Peter Robson

What becomes frighteningly obvious is that women from after the days of Eve become vilified by the church. Before the creation of the Pauline church, women were seen as equals, Jesus insisted that his wife, the Magdalene, was more than equal to any of his apostles. Many carried great responsibilities such as surveying the grounds for the construction of the pyramids at Giza, which took place hundreds of thousands of years before Christ got here. What becomes obvious is that the church is/was infected by the evil it itself created. Many think that Paul is the source of the problem for women. Sure his attitude towards them was/is bad, and in no way helps them, but it was the creation of the Devil that really screwed things up for women. And in order to do a complete job of it, they started at the beginning with poor Eve.

Overall, women can thank Tertullian, who said that, when the fallen angels (Watchers/Giants) came to earth and mated with women, they imbued women with carnal lust and desire. He went on to say, “Do you know that you are each an Eve? The sentence of God on this sex of yours lives in this age; the guilt must of necessity live in you too. You are the Devil's gateway; you are the unsealer of that forbidden tree; you are the first deserter of the divine law; you are she who persuaded him whom the Devil was not valiant enough to attack. You destroyed so easily God's image, man. On account of your desertion, even the Son of God had to die”. So girls, because of that honey pot between your legs, you killed God! For Shame! Cyprian of Carthage followed that statement by saying that, women dress to corrupt men and seduce them against the express wish of God.It was not long after this that women were precluded from performing any duties for the church, and unfortunately this is still the case today for women in the Catholic Church. Regardless of my personal feelings about the Catholic faith, this is simply a ridiculous state of affairs. Up until Tertullian's stupidity women had acted as Deacons in the church, the Bishop of Alexandria, Origen of Alexandria, and even Pliny the Younger had written about women Deacons, and the tremendous work they did as such. Tertullian led the way for women being seen as instruments of the Devil, and the Church of Rome came down on the position of, “These heretical women; how audacious they are. They have no modesty. They are bold enough to teach, to engage in argument. It is not permitted for a woman to speak in church, nor is it permitted for her to baptize, nor to offer, nor to claim to herself a lot in any manly function, nor to have say in any sacred office”.

About a thousand years later, at the Synod of Toulouse in 1229, it got worse for women as you were seen as the instigators of sorcery and diabolical behaviours. The 13^th century Summa Theologica explains that the Catholic patron Saint Thomas Aquinas wrote, “The Devil's greatest sin is his impossible aspiration to be like God. It was for this reason that he envied Adam, who was created in God's image, which necessarily determines that the Devil does not have the likeness of a man. But the Devil was not alone, there was another creature who was different from man, and therefore also not like God. This was the creature who had seduced Adam and caused him to sin, and she was called woman. Thus it is claimed that women are the daughters of darkness, the seductive emissaries of the Devil. 

  In 1993 Pope John Paul II pronounced his the Catechism of the Catholic Church, it states,” Evil indicates the person of Satan who opposes God and is the deceiver of the whole world. Victory over the Devil has already been won by Christ. We pray however, that the human family be freed from Satan and his works. We also ask for the precious gift of peace, and the grace of perseverance, as we wait for the coming of Christ, who will free us definitively from the Evil One”. This kind of nonsense really pisses me off because it is a control mechanism. If Christ had really defeated Satan, what could possibly be his motive for continuing to allow his creation to continue to suffer the evil bugger? Christ will not be coming back, his resurrection has already taken place, Simon Zelotes handled that. What we need is grace and perseverance, to continue to put up with nonsense statements from any type of clergy regarding the Devil. The Devil is a church constructed control mechanism, his creation has led to human suffering on an unimaginable scale.

As all of us are, now in the 21^st century, we are still suffering influences from the developing character of Satan from 800 years ago. Because of the superstitious nonsense from the church, we at least 800 years behind where we should be. As we go forward, we will learn about what true service is, the Grail Code, we will learn what was suppressed and what the difference would be to our lives today. This church is guilty of crimes against humanity, not just because of the suffering of the past, but because it taught a doctrine that allowed cruelty to exist beside people's spiritual life.

Yes there is separation of church and state, and thank Christ that there is, and yes laws must be made to keep order. However those laws must be just, not just for some, but for all, regardless of where, when, or what colour your skin is. And those who enforce those laws, must know and have the courage to challenge those laws where and when they conflict with what is ethically correct.

Were the Annunaki ethically correct in creating us? I am on the fence with that, but I do know that most of the things they tried to teach us were good things to know, like the Ten Commandments. Reading and writing, numbers, and very importantly, a way to see the universe that makes sense and is not warped by superstition and fear.

Dark Imaginings

July 6, 2022

This biblical stuff, it's a tough nut to crack and find the truth inside of it. As we have discovered in our recent series on Jesus, and his Essenes, we have found that the truth is very different from that which we have been taught. Many people will not accept the truths found within, as any sort of truth mainly for three reasons: 1. because the mainstream does not mention any of it. 2. If someone does take an interest in it, they go to the clergy who will tell them that it's all lies and not to be deceived. 3. The idea of hell and damnation has been so ingrained into Christian culture, that the automatic response is for people to reject these truths out of plain fear. Which is why the idea of the devil was first introduced to start with!

It sickens me how our true spirituality has been concealed from us through lies and vested interest.

Those of us who've attained a higher spiritual plain, than the average Christian, recognize the truth and want to know more. Christians not yet lost to the cult, want to know more, they seemingly make the right decision to go to their clergy for answers, because they are the ones who are supposed to be the ones in the know when it comes to biblical stuff. The problem here is twofold, the church has a vested interest in protecting itself, and continuing to propagate its lie about Christ, and, it has always used fear to control its flock. The result of this of course, is that, the truth becomes impossible to find because of the above data loop.

So how is it that they have us so spooked? When we look at the real historical record, there is no one or thing mentioned until the 3^rd century A.D. that is inherently evil. `But wait you say, what about the snake thing, and Adam & Eve, and the apple? Is that not the devil showing up from the start?' No it is not, that incident was all about Enki and Enlil, and a clever play on words as Enlil calls his brother rather dismissively, the lead scientist of Mission Earth. See our article “Original Sin” Here to better  understand this. 

So how complicated do we want to make this? Do we need to go all the way back to the big bang? A hard line Christian to over simplify it, will say that god created the universe and everything in it, including us, in seven days. That individual too will say, that god had a number of helper angels, one of whom was too big for his britches, and fell from heaven taking a number of other angels with him, and was known at first as Beelzebub. Whose name morphed into Satan. The name Beelzebub was kept around apparently because, Satan needs hordes of demon helpers, plus Beelzebub is kind of fun to say. Beel-zebub or Beelze-bub. The source for the name Beelzebub, we find in the biblical book of 2 Kings 1:2-3, 6, 16, it is written as Ba'al-zabûb, he is a deity worshipped by the Philistines, there known as the Lord of Dung or Flies.

The original Satan. As you see from the image, Satan's image was rather non specific. The Evolving Image of Satan The image of Satan has changed significantly over time. While the Bible offers no physical description, various artistic and cultural influences shaped how he was portrayed—especially from the Middle Ages onward. By the late medieval period, features such as horns, cloven hooves, and a tail became standard, drawing inspiration from both pagan figures and Christian symbolism. Early Depictions: One of the earliest known portrayals, a 6th-century mosaic in Ravenna, depicts Satan as a blue, angelic being—more ethereal than monstrous. Medieval Transformations:
During the medieval period, artistic representations of Satan became more animalistic and grotesque. He was sometimes shown as a dragon or goat-like creature, borrowing imagery from pagan deities.

Late Middle Ages: This era cemented the familiar image of Satan: a horned, hoofed figure with a tail. These traits became widespread in both religious art and folklore. Influence of Pan:The Greek god Pan—known for his goat legs, horns, and wild nature—played a major role in shaping Satan’s iconography. Christian artists often repurposed Pan’s features to symbolize evil. Renaissance and Baroque Eras:
Artists continued to reinterpret Satan’s form, sometimes depicting him as a blend of human and beast, and other times as a fallen angel with subtle inhuman traits. Modern Symbolism: In contemporary culture, the image of Satan keeps evolving. One of the most recognizable modern symbols is the Sigil of Baphomet: a goat’s head within an inverted pentagram, widely associated with modern Satanism.

The names of the seven chief demons are, Lucifer-pride, Mammon-avarice, Asmodeus-lechery, Satan-anger, Beelzebub-gluttony, Leviathan-envy, and Belphegor-sloth. Notice something here, all of these demons who guard the seven gates of hell, all are or have very human traits, things that us humans can and do struggle with. All of which are traits exhibited by donald trump as an example.

Obviously these traits are incredibly negative, and should not be taken out and displayed in public, nor should they be held in an individual’s heart. The question is, are these traits truly evil, or just incredibly selfish? Selfishness is an incredibly negative thing in an individual, but it is not evil unto itself. And that is the thing with the devil, he is supposed to be evil incarnate, all of the traits ascribed to him are human, and speak to an extreme lack of morals and ethics. Ethics are taught to us at home, and in the schoolyard, it is through ambition that shades of grey creep in to them. Donald trump for instance, exemplifies all of the above.

When Emperor Constantine appointed the first pope, Sylvester I on 31 January 314 A.D., Christendom took a long step into darkness. At that time, there was a lot going on in the world of religiosity. Pauline Christians were sometimes, or sometimes not, being persecuted, Joseph of Arimathea's Church of Jerusalem was struggling to assert itself, different empires were rolling through the mid-east, so there was basically religious chaos and it was this chaos, that results in the creation of Islam As Pope Sylvester was appointed,

This man is an abomination and shit on everything he knew,the Essenes and Christ knew to be the proper Way

the church of Jerusalem was disgusted by it, saying that this new church was an abomination, and that it was essentially pissing in the face of everything that Jesus had believed in. As true as that statement is, this brand new Pauline styled Catholic church was beside itself with glee, now instead of having to hold services and ceremonies in back alley hovels, and live in fear of death or imprisonment, they could now flaunt themselves in the corridors of power, because Constantine converted to their brand of Christianity, albeit on his deathbed. It is here, and from then that the church has learned its lust for power, and has sought ways to control the masses to maintain its power. Am I saying that the Pope is Satan? No, it is silly to think that.

What we really have here is, from the church's inception it has to this day continued to tweak what books and persons it takes from, or adds to the bible. From 314 to 1215, just before the Lateran Council, priests and bishops were essentially allowed to teach whatever they wanted. Yes you read that right, up until 1215 there was no traditional form of the devil. Beelzebub morphed into Satan.

It was at this council, that it was decided that the Holy Trinity needed some form of opposition. They set themselves a herculean task, writing Satan in. So who was this guy and where did he come from? Now, what about our former overlords, the Annunaki who from heaven to Earth came? They have been around longer than us; do they have the same devil? According to standard Christian belief, they should because god created everything and one in the universe. Except that there is a problem with that, and it's a big one. The Bible tells the story of God who is an Annunaki named Enlil/El Shaddai, and the Annage are not and have never been, Christians. Realizing this makes Satan's first appearance in the Bible, with Adam and Eve all the more sketchier.

But wait though, could Satan's identity be disguised the same way Enlil’s' was? It's a good thought, I mean look at some of their behaviour towards us; we were created to be slaves, we were used as sex slaves, used as fodder in their wars with each other, we were drowned in our millions when no notice was given to us during the Great Flood, and worst of all, nuclear weapons were used on an unsuspecting population at Sodom and Gomorrah. These events speak to their arrogance, but fail to mention why they took place. Satan is said to have no remorse, and that he serves only himself, although they wronged us, these events took place as they struggled to serve the people of their home world, Nibiru. The fact that Enlil regretted drowning us, and the fact that Inanna loved Thoth, but was capable of sealing her great uncle Marduk in the Great Pyramid at Giza, tells us that they are not evil incarnate. It seems far more likely that their problem is, hormonal, like they are missing part, or all of either the thyroid, or pituitary glands, these produce hormones that help regulate our behaviour.

Enki and Enlil, after the nuking of Sodom spent quite some time discussing fate/destiny, both realized that there had been some type of higher power involved in the entire tragic affair. Neither could quite admit that what had taken place was supposed to; they could see no purpose to it. Here we could say that Satan had infiltrated the situation and had influenced all the events to make them so tragic, but we will not because he had not been created yet, and it would be tens of thousands of years until he would be. What they had experienced was life lessons on an unprecedented scale. Lessons that had been extraordinarily harsh, designed to break through the emotional blocks caused by their hormonal short coming. In no way am I suggesting that the universe is evil, because it is not. Our soul's goal is to ascend whether we realize it or not. Negative experiences can be seen as being caused by evil, this is simply not the case. A negative experience is designed to bring you forward, to show you how to for instance, drive around something in the middle of the road, instead of crashing in to it and fucking up your life.

Evil is a man made construct and has absolutely no bearing on your immortal sacred self. The fact that there are souls of darkness, like my ex-wife, the whore. Yes the one with the turn style and caving expeditions, means only that they have not yet come into the light. The fact that they do evil shitty things to us means only that they need the light that we are. A starving man or woman who shoves another starving man or woman out of his way to get to the food on an aid truck is not evil, he is simply trying to save his/her own life. That starving man or woman should have tempered his/her actions, and behaved morally for the benefit of all, just as the nascent Catholic Church should have at its inception in 314 A.D.

 

Diablo, Searching For The Look

 

July 17, 2022

It is fascinating that for more than 900 years the Devil had no uniform description. It was thought that since witches and sorcerers were slaves to him, they must know what he looked like. The Bishops of the medieval period excused their own lack of knowledge about this by saying, that they had never been tempted by evil, so then they could not know what he looked like.

Nevertheless, because they were the church, and it was their job to guide folks away from evil, they figured that they had to find out so that he could be recognized when seen. He was of course a dark fallen angel. Pope Gregory had described him as, goat- like with horns and hooves and he was also described as dragon like with scales and claws. The fact that these conflicting descriptions contradicted one another, sent them in search of a definitive answer.

Again, the church thought that their peers from the early days of the church could provide answers. One of the writers that they looked at was Athanasius the Bishop of Alexandria from A.D. 328. He had been responsible for compiling the final short list of gospels and epistles for the New Testament. He had also produced an influential work on diabology entitled, “The Life of Anthony”. Clearly he was the man to trust on the subject, or perhaps not. Athanasius described the devil as, an enormous giant who was prince of the air, and could shape shift at will. He also had from his mouth and nostrils fire and burning lumps, and from his mouth a blazing furnace. Hmm, since no such

creature had ever been seen or described, Athanasius's document was not much help. The church kept searching and almost landed on a description from the 5^th century Gospel of Bartholomew, Bart claimed that he had actually seen the Devil, and he described him as, 1,600 yards long x 40 yards broad , his face like lightening, his eyes like sparks, from his nostril issued a stinking smoke, his mouth like a cleft of rock, and his wings were 80 yards long. Sorry Bart, but your latter day peers found your description too fanciful.

In 1162 comes a strange story, King Henry II was on the English throne and his hated Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Becket, had just been murdered. Most of the dispute between the church, and king, had been about how the church thought they should be immune to punishment, by secular courts if they committed a crime. The king on the other hand, thought that if a clergyman, was guilty of doing it, then he should be punished for it. There too was another source of contention, King Henry was relatively open minded about what religion his subjects followed, and he did not give much thought to the church's new panic about heretics, and he had no intention of following the church's orders to pursue them unto death. While churchianity pissed off the King, he had meanwhile listened to the people in his court who were talking about witches, and a recently deceased chronicler William of Malmesbury.

William had told of a sorceress who lived in Berkeley, who was said to practice all the ancient divinations and debaucheries. After she died, her children had sewn her into a stag's skin, and then had buried her in a stone coffin that was closed shut by iron chains being wrapped around it. Apparently for two nights after her death, a choir of priests had sang hymns over her grave, while demons had tried to disinter her. On the third night, the Devil came on a great horse, yelling, “I have come for the witch of Berkeley!” And the witch from her coffin had cried out for the Devil, and he ripped off the chain from the coffin, tore the stag's skin off her, then had thrown her over his horse and had rode off into the night. Tales such as this were not so much as believed, by the general population, paganism was still widely seen as the proper way of living life instead of the drivel of the church. It was an environment where it was all about survival, good weather for the crops and a good harvest, enough food so that the children could eat and survive. They hoped to manifest this by chants, music, dancing, rituals, and masquerades. They hoped that all would be good if the gods were lenient.

These wonderful Pagans, they did not worship Satan, the deities they worshipped were twin fairy gods called the Oak King, and, the Holly King. The Oak King

was designated as Lord of the Greenwood and was depicted with antlers. The ancient stag god of Gaul was Kerne, also known as Cernunnos, the horned one. He was god of fertility and abundance, he was born at the winter solstice, marries the moon goddess at the May time feast of Beltane, and dies at the summer solstice, thus representing the cycle of life, death, rebirth, death, and rebirth again. Thus representing immortality. In inquisitional Europe, Cernunnos was vilified by the church, along with Pan, the god of the shepherds, In about 1140, the the Roman jurist Gratian produced his Concord of Discordant Canons. This lot of laws emphasized the condemnation of heresy, and magic, and how magic was an absolute pact with the devil. Because of this, lynch mobs were then empowered by the secular courts, to seek out and execute, heretics. The Counsel of Verona took place that same year, and cursed all heretics and ordered them to be handed over to secular authorities for capital punishment. March of 1199 saw Pope Innocent III issue his decretum Vergentis in Senium, this said that heresy was treason against god! From then, sin and crime were linked officially in Roman civil and ecclesiastical law. If a person was found guilty of heresy, they would have all of their possessions confiscated, and if they had children, those children would be subjected to permanent deprivation. This that dumb cunt at Bendale Bible Chapel might have set me and my family up for with her reckless labelling.

1207 saw Pope Innocent say, “I am placed between God and man; lower than God but higher than man, the judge of all men who can be judged by none”. He then went on to say in his decree Cum ex Officii Nostri: Whatsoever heretic shall immediately be taken and delivered to the secular court to be punished according to law, all his goods also shall be sold... The house in which a heretic has been received shall be altogether destroyed, nor shall anyone presume to rebuild it; but let that which was a den of iniquity become a receptacle of filth.1215 saw the Fourth Lateran Counsel take place, there they substantially widened the legal provisions related to heresy, blasphemy, diabolism, and ungodliness.

These new canon laws were adopted into secular law by Holy Roman Emperor Frederick II in 1220. After this, the punishment for any sin that was seen as a pact with the devil was death. In a further perversion of the bible, Deuteronomy 13:6-18 was considered an appropriate model: If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy 

daughter, or thy wife of thy bosom, or thy friend which is as thine own soul, entice thine secretly saying, Let us go and serve other gods... Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor harken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shall thou spare him, neither shalt thou conceal him, But thou shalt surely kill him.

 The only way that they could find out if someone was a heretic was through confession, unfortunately a person's fate was the same whether they confessed or not. They were tortured and killed because they were a heretic, and conversely, they were tortured and killed for not confessing and for being uncooperative because they were not heretics. A charge of heresy was an almost automatic death sentence. The 8^th century liturgist Alcuin asserted that, "He who accuses himself of his sins, will not have the Devil for an accuser on the day of judgment”. He is talking about an early church practice that would eventually become the Sacrament of Penance, or the act of Confession. From the 4^th century it had been assumed that the power to forgive extended to all priests, and that God had extended to them the authority to pardon without exception.

Prior to the creation of the Church of Rome, the mood on forgiveness was not quite as forgiving. In around the year 200 A.D., a Christian apologist Tertullian thought that there should be only one type of pardon granted after baptism. He cited apostasy, murder, and adultery in particular, and thought that if these sins were committed a second time, there could be no pardon because clearly the perpetrator was in the service of the Evil one. From about 250 A.D. there was some debate about whether or not priests had the right to pardon sinners, many thought that without confession, people could not enter heaven. As usual with this church, the debate was settled much later by St Thomas of Aquinas in the 13^th century, he said: The institution of confession is necessary in order that the sin ofe penitent might be revealed to Christ's minister. Hence, the minister to whom the confession is made must have judicial power as representing Christ, the judge of the living and the dead. This power requires two things, 1, the authority of knowledge, and 2, the right to absolve or condemn. These are called the Two Keys of the Church. But they were not given to Peter to be held alone, but to be handed on through him to others, else sufficient provision would not have been made for the salvation of the faithful.

Obviously this is only one man's opinion of what Mathew 16:19 says when Jesus said to Peter, “I will give unto thee the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven, and whatsoever thou shall bind on earth, shall be bound in heaven”. It is not much of a premise to claim that the Church has somehow inherited the right of divine judgment from Jesus via Peter, but for these liars and cheats, it was sufficient to gain inclusion in doctrinal application since no one else came up with a better idea.

Diabolical Silliness

 

July 14, 2022

This may seem an uncomfortable topic, but it is one that out of necessity we must explore. As our Grail quest continues, we will continue to disavow the church and find the truth, no matter how obscured it is. We have learned quite a bit about some of the bible's main characters, Adam and Eve, Abraham, Moses, and, Jesus and his apostles. All of these people actually existed and walked on this Earth. However, each of their purposes, were very different from what we were taught that they were. What we have been taught is a fairy tale, that is designed to comfort you, and, scare you so much that it curdles your blood, and makes you submit to your fear. The fairy tale is about a loving god who protects you from bad stuff, and who will let you live with him for eternity, as long as you believe in him. The scary part is if you do not believe in him and, do thing that are not god fearing, which apparently are caused by us being influenced by someone called the Devil

As our quest continues, we will learn about this evil son of a bitch, and many of the atrocities that have been committed in his name by the church. We will learn about the insanely simple reasoning used to justify the devil's existence, we will learn about the silliness of the stories that were made up about him as he took form, he did not always have horns and a tail. We will learn about the panic he caused at the beginning of the first millennium (1,000) AD, because people had been told he would come for them then. It's actually very ironic how that worked out, the church had spent the previous 700 years suppressing and twisting anything Grail related into something evil; then along comes the Knight Templar, who dragged Europe out of ignorance and poverty, creating greater good for more people than the church has ever.

The Knights Templar: Origins, Power, and Legacy

The Knights Templar, officially known as the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon, were a Catholic military order founded in Jerusalem in 1118. Their primary mission was to protect Christian pilgrims travelling to the Holy Land during the Crusades.

Uhm, no. All church contrived nonsense. But we'll delve into this later.

Papal Sanction

The order received formal recognition from the Catholic Church in 1129 at the Council of Troyes, sanctioned by Pope Honorius II. This papal endorsement legitimized the Templars as a religious military order under Church authority. The Templars, despite what the Catholic Church, and almost every historical writer says, were not a “Catholic” military order. The original 9 knights, were all members of the Grail bloodline. They sought sanction from the pope for one reason, subterfuge. They needed to be able to poke around Solomon's temple without too many questions being asked.  

Key Aspects of the Knights Templar

Founding and Purpose
The Templars were established to provide safe passage for Christian pilgrims. As the Crusades intensified, their role expanded into full-scale military engagement in the Holy Land. That statement of course is nonsense, the Templars were established because the families of the Grail bloodline were sick of eating the church's shit. Their intent had been to return to Jerusalem to retrieve some/all of the wealth left there before Rome expelled the Jews. Why? To rebuild Solomon's Empire

These men had been educated by the Moors, in a time where they cherished knowledge, and the stories of Grail romance were only 400 years old. 

Military Strength
The Templars were known for their discipline, fearlessness in battle, and strict code of conduct. They were forbidden to retreat unless vastly outnumbered, making them a formidable force in medieval warfare.

Financial Innovation
Beyond the battlefield, the Templars developed a sophisticated financial system to manage donations and provide secure travel for pilgrims. Their network of preceptories across Europe functioned as early banks, allowing travellers to deposit funds in one location and withdraw them in another—an early form of international banking.

Rise and Fall
As the order grew in wealth and political influence, it attracted envy and suspicion from secular rulersand rival orders. Their extensive landholdings and financial autonomy made them a target, particularly for King Philip IV of France, who was deeply indebted to them.

Disbandment
In 1307, King Philip IV ordered the arrest of Templar leaders on charges of heresy, idolatry, and other crimes—charges widely considered to have been politically motivated. Under pressure from Philip, Pope Clement V officially disbanded the order in 1312. Many Templars were imprisoned, tortured, or executed.

Legacy
Despite their demise, the Knights Templar remain figures of enduring fascination. They are featured in numerous legends, conspiracy theories, and works of fiction. Their legacy also lives on in modern organizations and popular culture, often symbolizing mystery, martial valour, and the intersection of faith and power.

Yet this incredible organization was brought down by accusations of devil worship! An imaginary figure, and its idea is capable of doing immense harm, look at the trouble that trump has caused with the concept of fake news. This of course is seen as a hallmark of the devil, deceit and falsehood.

Deceit and falsehood, it would seem that the Catholic church more than any other organization is guilty of that. It has created the myth of Christ, perpetuating a lie, it has appropriated (stole) many of the Essenes customs, and disfigured all of them. It has given itself the power to sit in judgment of you; by appropriating (stealing), power that Jesus didn't give Peter. The church cheated when they took Peter's power, Jesus never told Peter to give it to blind men. So what we have so far is an organization that lies, cheats, and steals, all evil tendencies. It looks as if the church is evil, maybe even the pope could be the devil or at least the anti-Christ. As likely as this possibility is the deeper you get into the reasoning, it's incorrect. But why? you may ask, the devil can attack anyone and possess them. That may be true if you believe in such crap, but we are here to disprove his existence.

An example of how the church has twisted Grail related knowledge is, Simon Zelotes, the Essene Magi. As we know the Essenes knew all about Hermetics, which is all about vibration and frequency - energy. As we know from Hinduism, they have developed the skills and mastery to be able to levitate, walk on hot coals, and other types of incredible feats of energy control. Zelotes too had this type of mastery as is evidenced by Acts 8:9-24 where he levitated himself over the Roman Forum.As the early church developed, magic was twisted to be seen as a device of the devil, but that only applied to ordinary magic. When it came to miracles performed by Christ that was something else. In a 2^nd century treatise called Didache, it describes murder, rape, and adultery as being evil, and accursed and says that magic arts as well as witchcraft as being devilish arts that, sincere Christians should seek deliverance from.

The church of the Middle Ages too was very aware of what the Old Testament says about magic, Deuteronomy 18:11, Exodus 22:18, Leviticus 20:27, and the New Testament has Galatians 5:20, Revelation 21:8 all of which tell us that the belief in sorcery was not an idle superstition. The Council of Alvira in 306 AD refused the last rites to anyone who killed a man by way of a spell, because such a thing must be done only with the Devil's help! In 385 AD a prosecution for sorcery took place under Roman civil law. This individual was a Gnostic preacher called Priscillian of Avila Spain, he was a deeply ascetic spiritual Christian who was inclined towards the Nazarene philosophies of Old Judaea.He was prosecuted because the true teachings of Christ were deemed to be occult and sinful because they had been superseded by the new church doctrine of Pauline worship! Priscillian's death had been a torturous painful thing as all civil church prosecutions were, in 866 Pope Nicholas I, prohibited the use of torture, but was okay with suspected witches having their arms and legs being tied together and subjected to trial by immersion – drowning.

A woman suffering church inspired hysteria about witchcraft. She is being tried by immersion. If she lives she'll be killed because she's possessed by Satan. She of course is going to die anyway, because she's going to drown. These were always death sentences. The slow uptick of deaths caused by the church, that will by the 21^st century, amount to more than 800 million dead. Yup I want to be a Christian.

As time passed and the hysteria around witchcraft grew, some clerics endeavoured to slow the panic. In 906 the Benedictine abbot Regino of Prὒm wrote in his De Ecclesiasticis Disciplinis:

It is not to be passed over that certain abandoned women, turning aside to follow Satan, being seduced by the illusions and phantasms of demons, believe and openly profess that, in the dead of night, they ride upon certain beasts along with the pagan goddess Diana and a countless horde of women. And that in these silent hours they fly over vast tracts of country and obey her as their mistress, while on other nights they are summoned to pay her homage.

Regino then further remarked,

If it were only the women themselves who were deluded, it would be a matter of little consequence, but unfortunately an immense number of people believe these things to be true. It is the duty of priests earnestly to instruct the people that these things are absolutely untrue, and that such imaginings are planted in the minds of misbelieving folk not by a divine spirit but by the spirit of evil.

From 1020 came the Decretum of Burchard, the Bishop of Worms, it was widely circulated and used extensively as a confessors guide, he believed in witchcraft and magic potions that would bring on impairment and infirmity. He thought that belief in such things constituted a sin in itself. It was thanks to writers like, Burchard and Regino, that Pope Gregory VII forbade witches to be put to death for causing storms, crop failures, and pestilence; however the reprieve was short lived with the brutal catholic inquisition of the 13^th century about to take place.

So if god is all powerful and supposedly all good, why does evil exist? Why does god allow it? Is it possible that he allows it to happen for some reason known only to himself? We have asked these types of questions before; let us now discover some of the self-serving nonsense that the church feeds itself about the devil. The 2^nd century Church Father Clement of Alexandria asserted that the Devil was created good because it was impossible that god would hate anything he creates; so somehow itbecomes clear that the Devil then turned to evil of his own accord, then having done so, he does everything in his considerable power to alienate people from god. Clement says further that, since people have free will, the Devil's licence to tempt is not an ability to compel anyone into sin.

His seniority in the ranks of fallen angels is ascertained from Clément’s contemporary, Origen of Alexandria, who says that the Devil in the Hebrew language is named Satan, and he was the first to fall from grace and lose his wings. A writer from the 3^rd century, the Christian apologist Lactantius a professor of rhetoric in Nicomedia in Asia Minor said because god exists, so too must the devil because it is impossible for people to understand good without evil, god wishes it to be so. He went on to say that, if god were to exclude evil, then he would at the same time eliminate virtue, for in a world without alternatives, freedom of choice would not be possible. And so because evil cannot possibly proceed from god, he necessarily created the devil. Thus god incites the devil to evil but does not do evil himself.

The Mansion and My Brother

 

June 8, 2022

*** Warning, this essay deals with suicide, and rape.***

If you find this triggering and need help, please call

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My brother is an asshole, sorry but there is no way to sugar coat that, he simply is an asshole. To date I have not spoken to him in 25 years, and I really have no desire to ever again. The last I saw of him was when I confronted him about being physically aggressive to my then new girlfriend, the Leprechaun. He had not hit her, but he had been verbally and physically threatening to her as well as grossly disrespectful. Since I had left the whore, the one with the turn-style and caving tours, I was absolutely committed to a violence-free lifestyle. He too had also been working hard to destabilize this new relationship, something from him that I was very familiar with, he had done it with the Nanny when she 14 years old, the whore, and had when we were teenagers, had bullied my friends. But before this incident with the Leprechaun, there had been a period of 5 or 6 years where my brother and I had not talked, this involved him smashing a full bottle of beer over my head, and me picking myself up from off the floor, and breaking his jaw for his trouble, the loser.

These things alone make me want to steer clear of him, but there is more and worse. When I was 15, there was strong indications that there was something very wrong, going on between my brother, and mother. It was soon revealed to me by my father, that what I suspected was indeed true, my mother and brother were involved in an incestuous sexual relationship. 

Everything in that “home” was a secret. Almost everything was met with denial, triangulation, and shifting blame. What that means then, is that there was no way to establish who was at fault for allowing the incest to occur. As we go forward, we attempt to squeeze some kind of meaning from it, at least as much as seeing why, it occurred. Sadly the picture we come up with, is well...ugly. 

Who initiated what, and how it came to be, I have no idea, only questions. Even the best case scenario is sick. It's possible, perhaps likely, that my brother, is guilty of cooperative rape, by that I mean she either submitted to it, or by judging by her behaviours, she actively participated. It could be that somewhere in that sick mind of his (my brother), he decided to take that action as an attempt to at last dominate her, negate my father, and check-mate me. As if somehow that made him the alpha male of the family. This may indeed have been the case, considering his reaction to mom's suicide, his ehaviour up until dad threw him out of the house two months before his own suicide. Again I have no real answers, only the certainty that it happened.

My brother is two and a half years older than me, so for at least a year and a half longer he was subject to my mother's red stick and routine beatings. (Here's hoping that she would not beat a child less than a year old). And yes you are right, I have absolutely no faith in her, and she would not have been allowed to hold, or be alone with any child of mine. He was their first born, and was mom's favourite, dad on the other hand, could not bond with him. He too had trouble bonding with me, the difference was, I would at least try to meet him at his level, because if not, dad was completely inaccessible. It was more than a little difficult for him to come down to a child's level.  

As we've mentioned previously, Dad was a drug addict, and had been kicked out of his Father's home at just 16 years old. He like most teenagers, believed that there wasn't a circumstance that was truly his fault. And spent his life either denying responsibility, or using plausible deniability. This of course was the drugs talking, "well I was stoned". Here we could examine the psychology of my Father, but we won't. This essay is about revisiting the events surrounding that awful day when I was 7 years old. In a nutshell, its about an accident, that shouldn't have taken place at all. That day is described here Where it began

So on the surface, this was just a shitty unlucky accident, but only on the surface. When we dig deeper, it shows two people needing to be as far apart as possible. It shows my brother's fear of his father in how he did not ask for help in threading his line, he knew no more about fishing than I know about flying a F35 Raptor launching nukes. It shows my father being irresponsible in not supervising a young child while he was using a sharp instrument. Further it shows dad being irresponsible in how he was positioned while threading his own line, he should have been sat, or at least leaning against something far more solid. Water is unpredictable, and can throw anyone off balance easily. This is referred to as, the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. It is also likely that dad was stoned while this took place. Dad had then gotten my brother disconnected from the prop, untangled the prop, then had raced back to the resort. And in a complete panic, had drove off with mom in the car, to the hospital leaving me, at seven years old, to fend for myself for the next sixteen or so hours.

 Sixteen hours, that is a bloody long time, especially when you are a cold, hungry, and scared seven year old. As I had watched them drive off without me, I knew that they would be gone a long time. The length of time they were gone seems excessive, what took place was this. They had gone to the local hospital in Gravenhurst, the hospital there did not have a specialist who could help my brother. The doctors there did what they could to stabilize my brother, and got in touch with doctors in Toronto. Toronto had said yes we can do it if you can get him here like yesterday. So instead of my mother looking after things at the Hospital, while dad came back for me, they had gone straight from Gravenhurst to Toronto. Got lost while trying to find the hospital in Toronto, faced delays at that hospital; I mean what is more important, a kid with a fish hook in his hand, or a heart attack? Finally got my brother in, got through his procedure, waited till the doctors said okay you can take him home, and just be more fucking careful! Then had driven the two hours or so back to the resort, to find me frozen and angry. Dad had then put my brother to bed, ignored me, then had stormed out of the cottage leaving me to face the ice faced cunt, and receive one of the worst beatings of my life to that point.

So that is my brother, he had been exposed to my parent's toxicity for two and a half years longer than I had. He is a psychopath because of that exposure. His psychosis was displaying itself from very early, during that brief period that we were “reunited” while my relationship with the leprechaun was developing, my brother said to me, “that if I could have figured out how to smother you to death as an  infant, I would have”. When he said that, it should have chilled me to the bone. Instead, while sat on my comfy couch, I looked at him and asked if he would like to try it right here and now? The stupid fuck actually got halfway out of my chair to go for it, before collapsing back into it looking like a scared little boy, as he should have. I was being nice by giving him a few more seconds which he clearly needed to think about what was about to happen to him. And if and where I might stop, there was a lot of pain and misery to be made up for. I continued to sit there and observe him too calmly which completely unnerved him.

For as long as I can remember, my brother and I had fought, it was not sibling rivalry, it was deep seated hate. Until my mid teens, I lost all of those fights because I was younger, and a lot smaller. The day of the beer bottle changed that because it changed the psychology of it. He no longer had that edge over me. Comfy couch day was an awesome day for me, he gave me superiority over him, and I had not even had to move a muscle.

So what does any of this have to do with spirituality? In answer, seemingly nothing. My brother believed in god but had no desire to pursue that further. His attitude towards religion was actually to corrupt those who did believe. He was 15 or 16 at the time, he was bitching to mom that he could not get a girlfriend. Dad threw the idea at him that he should start going to church, there were a lot of pretty girls in church.  

He immediately balked at the idea saying that girls in church were too goody two shoes. True some are, others are there just doing their duty, and others would rather have been smoking dope and fucking behind a clump of trees in Cedarbrae park instead of being sat in a pew in church. This last was the type that he wanted, but typical of my brother, he was too lazy to actually do the work to separate out the wheat from the chaff.

I could go on for several hundred pages describing my brother's character, or lack thereof, and how his needs were met far above and beyond mine. Though this essay is distressing to both write and read, with it I hope to inspire. Yes shitty things happen to good people, yes you may feel victimized, yes you may be filled with sadness and rage beyond expression, and yes, you can get through it and come out the other side of it filled with strength and power. Remember, as you go through whatever it is you are going through, there will not be some dude sat on a cloud holding your hand as it happens. You are going through that shit alone, and you must reach inside yourself and find your sacred self and tap into that limitless power. You are your own god, act like it! Too, there is the Akashic Record to help you understand why and how things came to you, when you are ready, heal in it's loving power and energy.