The Shelf

 

October 2, 2021

Sat on a shelf, it was quite a strange unexpected place to be. I suppose that it started after the events of 1991–92. That year a number of events took place that were both filled with joy and incredible heartbreak. You might think that the birth of my probably not daughter would have been a joyous event, however, the whore that I was married to made it obvious that the child was not mine. As heartbreaking as this should have been, it really wasn't; considering the quantity of cocks that she had been bouncing around on, the unknown father was a forgone conclusion. You might also think that the dissolution of the marriage would be heartbreaking, nope it really wasn't either; far too much damage had been done during the previous decade.

The joy and heartbreak was all about the Nanny. When we had met in high school and the first time I had wrapped my arm around her, she had snugged in to me so hard and tight that you could not have slipped a playing card between us. The sense of familiarity with her in that moment and every moment after that was phenomenal. It was extraordinarily unfortunate that we were incapable of growing the relationship from that point, we were both locked in to our own worlds of hell. We should have recognized it in the other and bonded from there, however, when fundamental trusts have been broken it is almost impossible to trust anyone.

We ended up wounding each other terribly and it would be a long seven years before we would see each other again in any meaningful way. In a stunning turn of events, she ended up under my roof as my maybe daughter’s Nanny. I was astounded that she had agreed to do this considering what my “wife” had caused to happen to her seven years earlier. I was incredibly surprised at the changes in her, she had been a pretty girl in high school, now, she was a walking orgasm. It was wonderful that as timepassed she and I were able to grow closer, both physically, and more importantly, emotionally. It was here though, that we failed each other again, though emotionally we were inseparable, neither of us was able to express this to the other. It was heartbreaking for both of us, we each needed and wanted the other yet the words would not come.

The following travesties were brought about for the both of us because of that inability to communicate. She disappeared from my life as suddenly and unexpectedly as she had reappeared. It took almost 30 years to learn what truly transpired, and those answers were hard. For those responsible they live only because I have not yet decided their fate. And yes, I have spent the last 3 years finding out where and who they are. Once that decision comes, they should run very far away and do it very fast. There, fair warning given.

In the immediate aftermath of that year 1992–1993, I went about life as normally as a divorce allows, and I maintained an unhealthy hope that the Nanny would reappear; but no she didn't. Two years were to pass before I saw her next, and to my horror, I discovered she was a mere three days from marrying this creep who would spend the next 26 years fucking her over . I had known the ass in school and it terrified me for her as to what he was going to do to her, 26 years later it broke my heart to find that I had not been wrong to be scared shitless for her.

In previous articles I have talked about how the experiences of the abuse at home and in the school yard had served two purposes, I was now about to embark on the second of those objectives. I had been very much in love with the Nanny, I had been incredibly dependent on her for my emotional needs; and the manner and seeming choices that she had made at the time of her departure was the straw that broke the camel’s back. We have spoken in previous articles about how the people in our lives serve a purpose, some have multiple roles to play. The Nanny, as it turns out, was one of those who had numerous roles to play in my life. Her first role, was to be that one piece of straw too many, the other would be discovered 26 years later.

For the following five years after her marriage, I avoided women almost completely, I could not look at them, I could not talk to any, if I absolutely had to, and I would stare over their left shoulder instead of trying to meet their eyes. There were even times when if I had no choice except to deal with a woman, I would leave exacting detailed notes as to what I wanted done simply to avoid having to deal with the person and be in the same room as her. This sad state of affairs being brought on as I desperately tried to fight off the overwhelming sense of worthlessness that a lifetime of betrayal by women had led to. You might think that I hated women and might have become capable of extremes of violence towards them, no my mother had beat that out of me decades earlier, and in fact, where I was then was worse, women just did not exist, they were no more than sometimes pleasant smelling shapes in my universe. It was an interesting time in my life, during the most extreme time of that period, if a female shape spoke to me uninvited, I was like, oh, the shape is making noises; if those noises were not immediately pertinent to my circumstance, I would simply walk away mid-sentence regardless of how rude it may have been. I was absolutely done with women, and I shelved 50% of the human genus. And so it went for almost five years, until a bowl of beef barley soup determined that it was time to re-establish a relationship with my sacred feminine.

I had been laid low by a stomach bug while at the Fifth Wheel Truckstop in Dorchester Ontario, this of course taking place before the chain imploded and went out of business. I had spent three days in the bunk of my truck afraid to move more than half an inch from my nearest barf bag. Eventually, weak and feeling like I might be able to keep something down, I cautiously approached the restaurant, and explained to the waitress shape that I had been extremely ill, and could it recommend something that was both feeding and light on my tummy. The shape recommended beef barley soup, and it was her kindness, compassion, and seeming genuine concern that began to change my perception of women.

The sacred feminine, it is not what you may think. It has almost nothing whatever to do with sexuality, and is only one part of the duality that is life.  

  

Protection Methods For Empaths

 

September 11, 2021

Empaths are emotional sponges who absorb other people's emotions into their own bodies. They have an ability to completely submerge into someone else's mind, perspective, and emotions. At the same time, that means that they also take on their stress and negativity and end up feeling exhausted.

Empaths have little to no boundaries between themselves and others. As a result, this excessive stimulation and sensory overload often overwhelms them. Being aware of empathetic abilities is not enough. Empaths need to also shield themselves with protection methods to keep their balance.

Simple Shield. Because of how Empaths are created, “normal” boundaries don't exist for Empaths.

 This method is for Empaths and sensitive people who need a quick way to block out toxic energy. Whenever a feeling of discomfort, guilt, a frustrating situation, or being around an emotional vampire arises, simply start to visualize a shield. Picture a white or other comforting color shining through from that shield and completely taking over your body.

Picture it as it expands from the shield unto you; as the moment it touches you, it protects you from any toxic or intrusive energy. Behind this shield, you are safe, you are centered, and you are loving. Focus on your breath. Slowly and deeply, inhale and exhale. Think of yourself as exhaling negative energy. Pay attention to your breath as you release it by holding it and breathing it out slowly. Once you steady your breath, repeat this mantra with confidence and authority: "Return to sender, return to sender, and return to sender."

Removing excess negative energy through controlled breathing. Chest breathing says you're in a consistent state of anxiety.

 By commanding yourself, you take control of your mind. You remind yourself that the negativity is part of someone else's journey and you use your breath to send it back into the universe. As empaths are sponges that absorb all the stimulation of their environment, they tend to let in a lot of noise. To protect their energy from over-stimulation, they need to set the intention to protect their environment. That means, for example, at work, knowing when to question authority, when to say no to a favour, and when to step out.

Empaths in particular need to learn how to set energetic boundaries.

On a physical level, that also means putting up plants or photos that provide emotional support and reminders in stressful situations. Certain sacred objects like crystals, protective stones, and the statue of Quan Yin (the goddess of compassion) might also be useful. Earthing can be a really powerful method and it is all about connecting back with nature. Nature has a grounding effect, as by literally stepping on it, especially barefoot, you feel closer to the earth. Even looking at the green and blue shades of the earth can psychologically release happy chemicals to clear out any negative energy you have taken on. Noticing the clouds pass by and the flowers blooming is an anchoring reminder of the big picture.

Its good for everyone, but Empaths in particular need alone time to ground, and re-energize directly from the Earth.

In addition, it allows you to step away from what is disturbing you. An easy way to dissolve stress and purify the mind is to completely immerse yourself in water. The water represents the Earth's energy as it flows through you and washes off all negative energy. You can take a bath with bath salts or simply shower with intention.
Lavender essential oils are also great for providing a calming energy. You can also picture yourself standing under a waterfall with water streaming down on you. This waterfall is releasing all the negative energy down and away from you as it flows. The easiest way to re-energize is to take time away from any place and any person that may affect your energy. Use your alone time to recharge and connect back with your power. Empty your cup from unwanted energy and fill it back with the space and the activities that make you feel full again.
Planning for emotional overloads, such as the night in after a big work meeting, will center you back. Think of it as a recovery plan. Use this time to journal, meditate, and stay away from your phone.

The Whore

 

September 18, 2021

J.R.R.Tolkein in his trilogy “The Lord of the Rings” begins the series with the novel “The Hobbit”. In his fictional world, he describes young people who are in their late teens to early twenties as tweens. Here in this article I am using the term in the same manner, though it is usually used to describe kids just entering their teens from childhood.

In our recently published article, “Pitfalls”, https://kris-tuzac.blogspot.com/2026/01/pitfalls.html I describe being dead spiritually. I too describe a long history of abuse at home and school, and I allude to the time spent with my first wife of whom I call... “The Whore”. It is this period that I want to talk about today. In other articles such as “PTSD”, and “Why Me?” I describe a relationship based solely in disrespect, callousness, and contempt. I also describe what the most likely reasons for those behaviors were, and why they took place, but we did not touch on what being there and trying to live those, behaviors were like.

The story of “the Whore” is a sad complex tale of a person of who has no identity, someone of who has no clue as to who she is, or was supposed to be. The last time that I had any type of dealings with her was approximately ten years ago, where she informed me quite unnecessarily; speaking about herself and I quote, “I haven’t changed”. I did not care and really did not want to know and this, “information” was still her regular attempt to fuck with me and try to get in to my head.

The whore as stupid as ever. I understood what her intent was, which was to try to rattle me. Make me believe that she, at least in her own mind, was as “dangerous” as she had been as I'd known her her in our youth. She had never struck me as being dangerous, instead possessing only a low form of cunning.

This was still her behavior after having had zero contact with me for over twenty years, I was not disappointed in her, this was what I expected from her, simply because she truly is a really shitty person. Here I could list the myriad things that I detest about her, and her whoring ways, but the things that make it clear that she has no identity are these. There are four completely different stories as to where she grew up and went to school; she scared an exchange student out of high school and back to Portugal. Her Mother gave her a “drink” made by a voodoo priest to make her vomit if she was ever poisoned, and finally, her out of control sexuality, bouncing around on the ends of no less than 200 different dicks in the last year of our marriage. Oh, and she is psychic too.

The above paints a really ugly picture of an individual who is really mixed up. But this article is not about her, it is about me and the damage done to me, and how I was made to believe that I did not deserve anything or one better. The effort to break me began when I was a toddler, there was regular physical violence, there was regular emotional neglect, there was regular spiritual abuse as well. In all of the above I fought back as best as I could, but being a child my efforts came to naught, and I was made to feel guilt and ashamed of trying to protect my boundaries. Over the course of sixteen years, this led to my having such poor self-esteem and lack of self-worth that it had become impossible for me to communicate my own needs or desires. Regardless of how mean the previous statement is, I was in a place where none of that mattered. She cared nothing for people and orchestrated the rape of a minor by an adult male; unfortunately, it would be many years before I found out about that travesty. The point being is that I was so battered that I had spent the previous ten years with her not really caring what she did, or who. By not caring, I was continuing to allow my needs to go unmet and with her, I had no expectation that they would be. During my entire time with her, I was only reinforcing the negative lessons that I had been taught growing up.

My aunt and uncle hated her and begged me to get rid of her, and as much as I knew they were right about her, I was stuck in the unenviable spot where I was just not finished hurting. At that time just a year after dad’s suicide, I could not have made a change like that anymore than I could make the sun stop shining. And there I stayed until March of 1991 when my or maybe quite possibly not daughter was born. Then my thinking was all about her in the form of a question. The question being, this beautiful little life form, this little person, how am I to raise it to be a healthy happy individual being as insanely fucked as I am? And too the other question was, how do I begin to protect her from her deranged mother? Then further complicating the situation, the Nanny reentered my life with all of the non-dealt with baggage from high school. I need her to tell this part of the story as much of it is difficult. 

  

The Orbit of Planet Nine (Part 4)

 March 4, 2026

only from m₉ = 5 to m₉ = 6 M_⊕ and from a₉ = 300 to a₉ = 310 AU. The orbital angles do not change substantially.

We conclude that the preference for smaller values of mass and semimajor axis is robust, and that the orbital angles (i₉, Ω₉, $₉) are largely unaffected by any contamination. While the posterior distributions for m₉ and a₉ have large tails towards larger values, the possibility of a closer brighter Planet Nine needs to be seriously considered.

An additional uncertainty worth considering is the diameter and albedo of Planet Nine. We have assumed values appropriate for a gas-rich sub-Neptune which, a priori, seems the most likely state for such a distant body. Given our overall ignorance of the range of possibilities in the outer solar system, we cannot exclude the possibility of an icy body resembling, for ex- ample, a super-Eris. Such an icy/rocky body

could be ∼50% smaller than an equivalent sub- Neptune in this mass range (Lopez & Fortney

2014), and while the large KBOs like Eris have high albedos, much of this elevated albedo could be driven by frost covering of darker irradiated materials as the objects move through very dif- ferent temperature regimes on very eccentric or- bits. An object at the distance of Planet Nine – which stays below the condensation tempera- ture of most volatiles at all times – could well lack such volatile recycling and could have an albedo closer to the ∼10% of the large but not volatile-covered KBOs (Brown 2008). Overall the effect of a smaller diameter and smaller albedo could make Planet Nine ∼ 3 magni- tudes dimmer. Such a situation would make the search for Planet Nine considerably more difficult. While the possibility of a dark super- Eris Planet Nine seems unlikely, it cannot be excluded.

Finally, we recall the affect of the choice of the prior on a₉. A prior assuming formation in a cluster would put Planet Nine more distant

than shown here, though it would also predict higher masses. Combining those effects we find that the magnitude distribution seen in Figure 8 would shift fainter by about a magnitude near aphelion but would change little close to peri- helion.

While all of these caveats affect the distance, mass, and brightness of Planet Nine, they have no affect on the sky plane position shown in Figure 8. To a high level of confidence, Planet Nine should be found along this delineated path.

1. CONCLUSION

We have presented the first estimate of Planet Nine’s mass and orbital elements using a full statistical treatment of the likelihood of detec- tion of the 11 objects with 150 < a < 1000 AU and q > 42 AU as well as the observa- tional biases associated with these detections. We find that the median expected Planet Nine semimajor axis is significantly closer than previ- ously understood, though the range of potential distances remains large. At its brightest pre- dicted magnitude, Planet Nine could well be in range of the large number of sky surveys being performed with modest telescope, so we expect that the current lack of detection suggests that it is not as the brightest end of the distribution, though few detailed analysis of these surveys has yet been published.

Much of the predicted magnitude range of Planet Nine is within the single-image detec- tion limit of the LSST survey of the Vera Rubin telescope, r ∼ 24.3, though the current survey plan does not extend as far north as the full pre- dicted path of Planet Nine. On the faint end of the distribution, or if Planet Nine is unexpect- edly small and dark, detection will still require

imaging with 10-m class telescopes or larger.

Despite recent discussions, statistical evidence for clustering in the outer solar system remains strong, and a massive planet on a distant in- clined eccentric orbit remains the simplest hy- pothesis. Detection of Planet Nine will usher in a new understanding of the outermost part of our solar system and allow detailed study of a fifth giant planet with mass common through- out the galaxy.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This manuscript owes a substantial debt to the participants at the MATH + X Sympo- sium on Inverse Problems and Deep Learning in Space Exploration held at Rice University in Jan 2019 with whom we discussed the issue of inverting the observations of KBOs to solve for Planet Nine. We would also like to thank two anonymous reviewers of a previous paper whose excellent suggestions ended up being incorpo- rated into this paper and @Snippy X and @si- welwerd on Twitter for advice on notation for our likelihood functions.

Software: HEALPix (Gorski et al. 2005), as- tropy (Astropy Collaboration et al. 2013), scikit- learn (Pedregosa et al. 2011), emcee (Foreman- Mackey et al. 2013), corner (Foreman-Mackey 2016)

Table 2.

m9 (Mearth)	a9 (AU)	i9 (deg)	e9	a9 (deg)	Ω9 (deg)	l	∆l	num. particles
3	625	15	0.60	356	166	-182.1	-9.2	21100
4	230	10	0.15	250	108	-175.5	-2.6	30000
4	250	15	0.15	260	102	-175.3	-2.4	30000
4	500	20	0.33	224	86	-176.2	-3.3	120500
5	230	10	0.15	246	96	-174.3	-1.4	30000
5	250	5	0.15	250	126	-177.0	-4.1	30000
5	250	10	0.15	248	108	-174.4	-1.5	30000
5	260	15	0.10	246	94	-174.2	-1.3	25600
5	260	5	0.15	246	82	-177.0	-4.1	30000
5	280	10	0.10	246	96	-175.8	-2.9	25600
5	280	15	0.10	266	88	-175.0	-2.1	25600
5	300	10	0.15	234	108	-175.6	-2.7	25600
5	300	17	0.15	254	108	-172.9	0.0	25600
5	310	15	0.10	274	102	-175.1	-2.2	25600
5	356	17	0.20	252	88	-174.2	-1.3	25600
5	500	5	0.33	250	96	-179.2	-6.3	25600
5	500	10	0.33	244	86	-176.1	-3.2	25500
5	500	20	0.33	234	86	-176.2	-3.3	20200
5	720	20	0.65	234	96	-185.1	-12.2	30100
6	280	17	0.10	256	100	-173.2	-0.3	25500
6	290	17	0.15	250	108	-173.0	-0.0	25600
6	300	17	0.15	246	100	-173.4	-0.4	25600
6	310	10	0.10	252	96	-174.4	-1.5	25600
6	310	15	0.10	256	96	-174.6	-1.7	25600
6	310	17	0.10	244	108	-175.0	-2.1	25600
6	310	10	0.15	256	108	-173.0	-0.1	25600
6	310	15	0.15	252	116	-173.0	-0.1	25600
6	310	17	0.15	266	106	-173.5	-0.6	19900
6	310	5	0.20	244	108	-177.1	-4.2	25600
6	310	10	0.20	244	108	-173.9	-1.0	25000
6	310	15	0.20	252	92	-173.0	-0.0	25400

Table 2 continued

m9 (Mearth)	a9 (AU)	i9 (deg)	e9	a9 (deg)	Ω9 (deg)	l	∆l	num. particles
6	310	17	0.20	260	122	-173.2	-0.3	13600
6	310	20	0.20	242	96	-173.2	-0.3	23700
6	310	25	0.20	230	92	-174.7	-1.8	20000
6	310	30	0.20	238	88	-178.0	-5.1	25500
6	330	10	0.20	248	108	-174.6	-1.7	31300
6	330	15	0.20	252	92	-173.4	-0.5	14400
6	356	20	0.10	254	100	-175.3	-2.4	25600
6	356	20	0.15	250	110	-174.2	-1.3	25600
6	356	15	0.20	256	102	-174.1	-1.2	21200
6	356	17	0.20	262	100	-174.1	-1.2	25600
6	356	17	0.20	264	108	-173.9	-1.0	25600
6	356	19	0.20	238	100	-173.9	-1.0	48500
6	356	25	0.20	228	88	-176.2	-3.3	40200
6	356	30	0.20	238	96	-179.9	-6.9	16700
6	380	17	0.20	242	110	-174.1	-1.2	25600
6	380	17	0.25	246	92	-173.3	-0.3	25600
6	500	35	0.15	242	96	-181.8	-8.9	30000
6	600	40	0.15	260	94	-184.0	-11.1	30000
6	800	50	0.15	242	82	-188.4	-15.5	30000
7	356	17	0.20	246	92	-173.8	-0.9	25600
7	400	15	0.25	254	82	-173.9	-1.0	30900
7	400	20	0.25	246	102	-175.2	-2.3	52800
7	400	30	0.25	230	88	-177.5	-4.6	30800
7	450	25	0.15	248	108	-178.7	-5.8	30000
7	450	15	0.33	250	86	-175.8	-2.8	29700
7	450	20	0.33	236	80	-175.9	-3.0	25600
7	450	25	0.33	236	80	-176.2	-3.3	23500
7	500	20	0.15	256	94	-176.3	-3.4	25600
7	500	15	0.20	256	102	-175.6	-2.7	25600
7	500	17	0.20	268	96	-175.1	-2.1	25600
7	500	25	0.20	254	92	-177.6	-4.7	25600
7	500	20	0.25	260	94	-176.8	-3.9	25600
7	500	5	0.33	242	96	-178.2	-5.2	57300

Table 2 continued

Table 2 (continued)

m9 (Mearth)	a9 (AU)	i9 (deg)	e9	a9 (deg)	Ω9 (deg)	l	∆l	num. particles
7	500	10	0.33	252	92	-176.6	-3.7	41400
7	500	15	0.33	250	98	-175.5	-2.6	47700
7	500	17	0.33	250	100	-175.4	-2.5	17500
7	500	20	0.33	242	86	-176.1	-3.2	52400
7	500	25	0.33	234	86	-177.9	-5.0	54000
7	500	30	0.33	232	94	-179.0	-6.1	59600
7	500	35	0.33	230	86	-180.5	-7.6	41700
7	500	25	0.40	228	86	-179.7	-6.8	35000
7	500	25	0.45	226	74	-182.0	-9.0	27700
7	525	20	0.50	236	70	-179.6	-6.6	33000
7	550	17	0.40	244	88	-175.6	-2.6	25600
7	600	17	0.45	238	94	-174.9	-2.0	25600
7	640	17	0.50	240	102	-176.8	-3.9	16900
7	650	17	0.45	230	88	-174.6	-1.7	25500
7	800	50	0.15	310	50	-190.4	-17.5	30000
7	830	20	0.70	208	96	-184.7	-11.7	51200
7	1000	60	0.15	298	94	-191.2	-18.3	30000
8	400	20	0.15	248	108	-177.1	-4.2	30000
10	350	10	0.15	250	96	-176.3	-3.4	30000
10	400	20	0.15	242	84	-178.2	-5.3	30000
10	450	20	0.33	242	82	-177.8	-4.9	34300
10	525	20	0.15	264	106	-178.1	-5.2	30000
10	525	30	0.15	266	102	-184.6	-11.7	30000
10	525	40	0.15	304	138	-189.9	-17.0	30000
10	525	20	0.50	244	114	-180.8	-7.9	39700
10	525	20	0.65	242	90	-181.7	-8.8	20900
10	525	30	0.65	244	36	-187.1	-14.2	35600
10	700	20	0.35	244	108	-176.6	-3.7	25600
10	700	30	0.70	290	132	-190.0	-17.1	25600
10	750	10	0.35	234	106	-177.5	-4.6	19500
10	750	15	0.35	252	114	-176.1	-3.2	22400
10	750	20	0.35	244	100	-177.9	-5.0	25500
10	800	5	0.40	244	114	-177.5	-4.6	25600

Table 2 continued

m9 (Mearth)	a9 (AU)	i9 (deg)	e9	a9 (deg)	Ω9 (deg)	l	∆l	num. particles
10	800	10	0.40	240	112	-177.0	-4.1	25600
10	800	15	0.40	240	118	-177.8	-4.9	25600
10	800	15	0.45	240	120	-174.9	-2.0	25600
10	800	20	0.45	238	108	-176.0	-3.1	28600
10	800	25	0.45	234	100	-177.6	-4.7	23500
10	800	30	0.45	242	50	-184.0	-11.1	16800
10	800	60	0.45	182	114	-183.0	-10.1	30400
10	870	20	0.73	254	92	-185.4	-12.5	17900
10	1000	60	0.15	314	96	-192.8	-19.9	23600
10	1400	70	0.15	224	30	-190.0	-17.1	30000
12	500	15	0.20	256	94	-178.4	-5.5	25600
12	500	20	0.20	256	92	-181.2	-8.3	25600
12	500	25	0.20	266	102	-182.9	-10.0	25600
12	920	20	0.73	224	76	-182.1	-9.1	25800
12	960	20	0.79	242	54	-186.8	-13.9	24900
14	960	20	0.74	220	76	-185.6	-12.7	28000
16	1000	20	0.75	248	76	-183.2	-10.2	33600
20	900	60	0.15	306	66	-189.0	-16.1	30000
20	1000	15	0.65	242	122	-179.6	-6.7	30100
20	1000	20	0.65	240	118	-180.6	-7.7	33000
20	1000	25	0.65	246	70	-185.5	-12.6	32300
20	1070	20	0.77	240	124	-185.2	-12.3	64900
20	1400	70	0.15	264	0	-186.8	-13.9	30000
20	2000	80	0.15	260	152	-190.1	-17.2	30000

Note—Parameters used in the numerical simulations on the effects of Planet Nine (m₉, a₉, i₉, e₉) and the maximum ln(likelihood), l, which occurs at the listed value of a₉ and Ω₉. ∆l gives the difference in ln(likelihood) from the maximum value, which occurs at m₉ = 5, a₉ = 310, i₉ = 15, and e₉ = 0.10.

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