March 9, 2026
“Oh would you fucking LOOK at this.
This magnificent tangerine tumour, this spray-tanned sack of narcissism in a golf cart, has just lobbed missiles into Iran and just kicked off what could be the defining catastrophe of the 21st century and where the fuck is he? WHERE IS HE? On the fucking golf course. Of course he is.
Thousands of kilometres away, the Strait of Hormuz is about to become the most dangerous waterway on earth. Oil markets are shitting themselves. Your superannuation just took a hit you haven't even checked yet. Mothers in Tehran are pulling their kids into basements. Young American sailors are being ordered into positions that might get them killed. And this bloated, diaper-wearing, Big Mac-inhaling waste of a human presidency is out there four-putting on a par three while some poor bastard Secret Service agent carries his spare nappies in a cooler bag.
Let that sink in. He started a fucking WAR. And he doesn't care. Not one bit. Because why would he? Wars don't come to Mar-a-Lago, do they? Wars don't interrupt the back nine. Wars don't affect you when you live in a gilded cage taking dumps on a gold-plated toilet while some dead-eyed aide wipes your arse and tells you you're doing a great job, sir.
You know who DOES get affected? Every single working family that's about to cop $3-a-litre petrol. Every truckie. Every farmer. Every small business owner who was already barely hanging on through his tariff horseshit. Every young soldier who signed up thinking they were defending democracy, not propping up the ego of a man whose bone spurs mysteriously healed the moment Vietnam ended.
Bone spurs. Remember that? This gutless prick dodged his own generation's war FIVE TIMES, and now he's casually starting one for yours while he rides around in a golf buggy looking like a melted candle in cargo pants.
And his supporters? His loyal, flag-waving, troop-worshipping base? Fucking SILENT. Not a peep. The "support our troops" crowd has absolutely nothing to say about their dear leader sending those troops into harm's way so he can (and I cannot stress this enough) GO PLAY GOLF.
Imagine if Obama had done this. Just imagine it. Fox News would have needed a whole new graphics package. Sean Hannity would have had a stroke on air. They impeached Clinton over a blowjob, but this cunt can start a war, tank the global economy, and play 18 holes on the same day, and it's fine? It's just Tuesday?
This is what a man with zero consequences looks like. A man who has never, not once in his 79 years on this planet, faced a single real repercussion for anything. He fails, he goes bankrupt, someone else pays. He lies, he gets caught, nothing happens. He starts a war, people die, and he's worried about his slice off the tee.
He doesn't give a fuck about you. He doesn't give a fuck about the troops. He doesn't give a fuck about Australia, or Europe, or the price of oil, or your mortgage, or your kids' future. He gives a fuck about Donald Trump. Full stop. End of list.
And right now, Donald Trump wants to finish the back nine before his Diet Coke goes flat.
So there he is. The leader of the free world. In a golf cart. Starting wars and sinking putts. While the rest of us get to pick up the tab. Again.
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